I often think about what my goal is as a parent. I don't mean, what do I expect him to BE, because I will be fully proud of him weather he is a doctor or a stay at home dad. But what tools does a child need to be a fully capable adult who has control over his life, health and happiness. I promise I'm going somewhere with this.
One thing I notice most about young adults of this age is their inability to function as a basic human beings. I can't be the only one, I know you have seen it too. I feel like our current society is vastly more 'disabled' than my generation, or the ones before that. Take it as someone who was living on her own at 16, it was a shock having to cook my own meals, pick out my own clothes, clean my own messes, and take care of my own transportation. A few years later I was married and was having the time of my life trying to tackle household chores, be organized, and try to fix a healthy meal that DIDN'T come from a can. 5 years and alot of experience later I would say I have it down to a science. I have sooo much knowledge to pass on to my son. But why didn't I have these skills earlier in life? Shouldn't being able to take care of yourself be the paramount of things we teach our children? Why is it so uncommon in young adults?
I need Cannon to know how to wash a dish, I need him to know how to clean up and take care of his things, I need him to know how to wash his clothes, how to cook healthy foods that are fit for himself and his family, I need him to know how to take care of his home and his transportation. Most importantly, I need him to know he CAN DO anything and that he should never underestimate himself. That asking for help is ok, but having the drive to get the task done is important too. That he is in charge of his life. Sure, education is important, but a straight A student will be nothing in life if they can't take care of themselves to actually be there for it. Or worse, Can't keep up their QUALITY of life. Does that make sense?
My goal isn't to baby the hell out of him so that he can't function as an adult, My goal for the next 18 years is to prepare him to enter the world as a fully functional, productive, and educated member of society. THAT is your goal as a parent. Not to cater to every single whim of your 12 year old, Not to help your 17 year old wipe his butt, and certainly not to tell you 16 year old daughter that she is going to burn the house down if she tries to cook. You are not enabling an adult, you are enabling a child.
There is a quote by Lance Armstrong's mother which I love. She was in a book I read recently called 'Mother Nurture' that did different interviews with celebrity mothers, and asked them what 'their secret' was. Her's was easily my favorite, allow me to paraphrase:
"Even when Lance was a young child, if he wanted to attend races and competitions, he was in charge of finding out where they were on a map, packing our food and organizing our trip to get there. I felt it was important for him to learn how to do all these things on his own. Parent's can take all the effort out of a task for their kids if they want to, but I can tell you that they are not doing them any favors".
This is what draws me towards the montessori lifestyle and teaching, is that it shows children from a young age, that they are in charge of themselves. There is such a lack of that in current parenting and Americanized lifestyle.
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